I'm baaack!

SO, after about 3.5 weeks, I am back online and ready to face the music. I have been on a roller coaster ride lately, it's been quite an unpleasant ride, but I am really trying to come out on top here. I guess I should fill y'all in on whats been going on...March 11, 2010 I ended up in the emergency room with severe abdominal pain. I mean, I felt like I was going to DIE. I was in the emergency room unable to eat or drink anything for 9 hrs because they were afraid it was my appendix and I'd need surgery. Well, it wasn't my appendix, and after all of the tests they found I have cysts on both ovaries, the one on my right ovary is pretty big (concerning) and BOTH ovaries are enlarged. I was on some serious narcotics to manage the pain and sadly it did not manage my pain, I was just very sleepy and nauseous (and in extreme pain). I had absolutely no appetite while on the meds, in fact, I could barely keep down soda crackers the meds made me so sick. I was on the meds for 7 days and it took about 4-5 days to get my appetite back. It was a very strange experience for me because anyone who knows me will tell you I NEVER lose my appetite! I talked to my health coach about getting back on medifast and was told to get the OK from my doctor first. My doctor gave me the OK to start immediately and said that medifast is 100% safe for me and highly recommends it for weight loss. At that doctors appointment I got weighed and I had put ALL of the weight I'd lost back on. I was HIGHLY upset!! I told my doctor I didn't understand how in the WORLD I could have gained back like 12 lbs when I HAVEN'T been eating! Don't people normally LOSE weight when they are sick?! During this entire time I also was extremely inflamed...I looked 6 months pregnant EASY. My doctor then diagnosed me with Colitis and put me on antibiotics for another 7 days. Again I had no appetite and my doctor said that was pretty normal because of my level of pain. In the meantime I was trying to find the strength and energy to pack up all of my stuff to move it down to Texas (from Chicago) to be with my husband. It was a ROUGH time for me.

Eventually I got all of my stuff packed thanks to my dads help and was able to get down to Texas. While in Texas my wonderful husband set up the house and we ate when and what we could...we went on several dates which was awesome and really enjoyed our time together. I couldn't have been happier! =) But I am back in Chicago now until the end of June when the school year lets out- I work in a public school. While sitting up doing laundry til 2 am on Thursday night I was thinking about my commitment to lose weight...commitment to health...commitment to myself...I was thinking about how ever since I started pursuing health through medifast I have been on a serious roller coaster ride that just won't stop.

As I sat and looked at my husband sleeping I said to myself "I want our forever together to be as long as possible...I don't want to leave him early due to bad health...." Then I started to think about how I got to be this big in the first place...it was such a DARK time in my life...major depression led to an addiction to food, which led to more depression which led to more eating...well, you get the picture, it's a vicious cycle. And I started to think about how I have a constant daily reminder of that dark time...every time I look in the mirror, or even take a walk I am reminded of that dark time by all this extra weight I am carrying around. I began to pray and it came to me...Satan wants me to stay this way. Satan wants me to be a slave to my addiction, he wants to remind me of my dark place so I can stay there and begin to question my faith just as I used to...he wants to keep holding me down. As my health was going crazy these past few weeks I kept telling myself, gosh, you can't stick to this diet if you tried! You're too sick Sarah...don't even bother. Or should I say satan was telling me those things...filling my head with lies. I asked God to give me the strength to take shape for life...

This morning as my husband was driving me to the airport I told him I was going to dive back into medifast and the gym (as much as I'm allowed) and that is how I am going to get through these next few months of not being with him. I will have weekly goals to look forward to and hopefully that will help pass the time for me. He supports me and believes in me so much, bless his heart. I think about this road I have been on and while one part of me says, who are you kidding, you seriously can't do this, you're bound to get sick again and be kicked out of fat burning and fail...another part of me laughs and says, oh boy, this has been a rough road, but man oh man is it going to be worth it in the end when you're healthier and skinnier LOL. I can look at these stones in my way and choose to sit down and not move, feeling sorry for myself, OR I can tighten my shoe laces, stretch out my chunky legs, and keep it MOVIN'!

Tomorrow my journey begins again...say what you want, but I am STRONG and am NOT going down without a fight! Til tomorrow...

Day 10

I had a great day, ate well, lots of energy and was in a good mood. My night...not going so well. I am having stomach issues and I am drained and kind of out of it so this is not going to be long.

7:45- peach oatmeal
10:45- lemon snack bar
1:30- oatmeal snack bar
4:36- grilled chicken, mushrooms, spinach and a salad with balsamic dressing
6:45- swiss mocha shake
9:45- vanilla shake

I drank 125.4 oz of water today. I am now going to try to sleep this off. Goodnight world.

Day 9...Weigh in Day!

I had an awesome day today...I was so full of energy and in good spirits. It was also my weigh in day. I've gone back and forth all day trying to decide if I am going to put actual numbers on here, but I'm not ready for that. I will say my overall goal is to lose 60 lbs. I lost 10 lbs this week!! That's right, 10! I am so excited because I worked SUPER hard. I'm sure it will NOT be this way every week, I probably lost mostly water weight, but it is still a huge accomplishment for me. I also lost 2 inches off of my waist and 1.5 off my bust! People asked me what I was doing to lose weight all day and both my mom and dad told me I'm looking good and they can see a difference. I am really excited and proud of myself for sticking to it and NOT cheating this week! This has motivated me to keep going and stay on track!

7:45 am- peach oatmeal
10:30 am- chocolate mint snack bar
1:30 pm- oatmeal raisin snack bar
3:30 pm- swiss mocha shake
5:45 pm- grilled chicken, green beans and a salad- lettuce, tomato, cucumber with 2 tablespoons of light balsamic dressing
8:30 pm- swiss mocha shake

I drank 162.7 oz of water today. I know that really sounds like alot, but it's so easy for me because my body LOVES it! I never realized how much my body craves water! I am so excited to see this weight melt off of me!! =) Stay tuned, this journey is just gettin GOOD!!

Day's 7-8...

So, I fell asleep last night before I was able to write my blog, but I did great and stuck to the diet perfectly!

Today was a good day, I had energy all day and got hungry when I was supposed to get hungry...right in time to eat! =) I was also able to get through lunch with the kids without drooling at the mouth LOL. That was quite the accomplishment. I still miss my hubby like crazy but I have been coping better these past 2 days, and that makes me happy.

I've realized eating the snack bars at work is a lot easier than trying to make soup or shakes...I work from 8-3:15 and have no break. I would try to sneak away to make my meals in between my lil man going to the bathroom or playing, but it isn't always easy. ANYWHO, my diet is going great!

7:45 am- peach oatmeal
11:10 am- oatmeal raisin snack bar (yum)
1:50 pm- lemon snack bar
4:45 pm- grilled chicken with green beans and my yummy tomato n cucumber salad with olive oil and vinegar dressing
6:45 pm- vanilla shake
At 8:45 pm- I will be having my yummy cup of hot chocolate to put me to sleep!

I drank 131.6 oz of water today. I am feelin' good!!

Day 6

Oh boy was this a ROUGH day! I am missing my husband soooo much. I was super emotional ALL day =( It was not so hard to stay on task and NOT cheat, it was harder to realize that I don't know another way to comfort myself other than to EAT! I prayed, I cried, I cleaned, I did laundry, I cried some more, I tried to sleep...nothin' worked. Bleh. I called my health coach who talked me through it and gave me some ideas about other things I can do....talking to her made me feel much better; it's always so encouraging to talk to someone who understands me and has been where I am and come through it. Honestly if I didn't have her I would've been stuffing my face with some pizza right now. LOL

I was able to pull it together and went out to see Alice in Wonderland with my mom...it was good and my snack during the movie was delicious!! =)

9:00 am- peach oatmeal
11:30- lemon snack bar
1:45 pm- orange shake (def. not my fave)
4:30- left over steak and asparagus with tomato's in olive oil and vinegar dressing. I didn't realize I was out of veggies, am going to buy some tomorrow...it was a yummy dinner.
7:30 pm- chocolate mint snack bar in the movie (sooooo good!!!)
10:15 pm- hot chocolate

I had one stick of sugar free gum, a diet coke, and get ready...144 oz of water! Oh and I also had a glass of chicken bullion (sp?) to get my energy up. I felt a bit faint, but I think I was just feeling so crappy because I was crying so much. I felt great today and did not feel hungry until I was SUPPOSED to eat....it's a beautiful thing to feel so good.

Well I'm hoping I feel better tomorrow...get to see my hubby on March 24th and I am hoping to lose at least 10 lbs since then...I'm working HARD!

Day 5

Today was the day I finally felt better! I had more energy throughout the day, didn't feel as hungry and didn't think about food nearly as much as I did earlier this week. What a relief, I was beginning to think I was going to be miserable forever! haha. Thank God for my coach who is always there to encourage me, I don't think I could have made it through.

So last night I packed all of my food for today so I wouldn't be rushed in the morning. When I was at work I realized I forgot my shake mixer at home. Instead of panicking I remembered reading that you can split the lean and green meal into two. SO, I had a small salad with NO dressing for lunch. I was worried to throw myself off but I don't think I did. Here goes my day...

7:45 am- peach oatmeal...YUMMM!
11:00 am- salad with 16 oz of water and peach crystal light- What a treat!
2:00 pm- lemon snack bar
4:30- strawberry shake...not my favorite but not terrible
6:30 pm- I went to Longhorn for dinner with my parents. It was tough to stay on track but I DID! I had a sirloin with shrimp scampi, steamed asparagus and a salad with olive oil and vinegar dressing. I ate the salad (small side salad) about 3 small bites of the steak (just wanted to make sure it was cooked right since that's going to be my "lean" for tomorrow) and made the shrimp my main course. It was DELICIOUS!!!! I had 6 shrimps and 4 sticks(?) of asparagus. I was so full after the last shrimp! I haven't felt full all week so that was a treat LOL. I was so surprised to be full after eating so little, before this week I would have eaten the whole steak, all the shrimp, a sweet potato with cinnamon and butter, the salad, and of course, about 3 slices of bread and butter BEFORE devouring my meal. I'd say this is a major improvement. Ok, moving on...
8:45 pm- Chocolate shake
10:45 pm- Hot chocolate...I think I'm addicted to the feeling of warm hot chocolate in my tummy before bed...it's so nice!!!

Well, as you can see I'm in much better spirits today and I couldn't be more excited. OH, and I drank 115 oz of water today, and I may drink a bit more before I go to sleep because I'm thirsty!

Looking at the BIG picture...that's my goal! Goodnight world! Hoping to dream skinny tonight!

Day 4- getting a little better

So, I felt a bit better today...crappy still, but not AS crappy as I felt days 1-3. I got a bangin headache today that I haven't had all week, so I'm not sure what that was about, but I wasn't as hungry or weak. I'm looking forward to the day when I have lots of energy! In the meantime I'm sleepy with no energy so this is going to be short and to the point.

7:45 am- apple cinnamon oatmeal
10:45- lemon snack bar
1:25 pm- chocolate shake
4:00 pm- vanilla shake
6:45 pm- baked chicken, mushrooms and a salad with balsamic dressing
10:00 pm- hot chocolate

I drank 120 oz of water...and a diet coke. I also had 3 sticks of sugar free gum...oh, and I may have talked my dad into doing the program as well. Ok, my eyes are heavy, more on that tomorrow. Goodnight!

Day 3

So, I survived another day. I spent about half of my evening thinking of ANY way possible to cheat. I thought about calling my friend who encourages me to cheat...I thought about taking a ride by myself because then I can sneak and eat...I thought about going to my sister-in-laws house during dinner time because of course I couldn't be "rude" and not eat! I thought about everything I want to eat and I was getting really frustrated! I want some pizza so bad...some cheese sticks...calamari (fried of course), bruschetta, a nice cold beer and a slice of key lime pie...and some sushi on the side. yum. hmph. Anyway, I am proud to say I made it through another day without cheating! I was so tired, weak, sluggish, and out of it all day...NO energy. I talked to my health coach and she encouraged me that the worst is almost over, so I'm excited to come out on the other side of this. I'm praying so hard that this works because I am so tired of failing...I texted my husband today and said if this doesn't work I'm really gonna be TICKED that I had to go through this crap. Eh, it's worth a try. I'M worth the try. I keep repeating "BIKINI'S AND POOLS" to keep me on track...hopefully that keeps me on track til I can figure something else out.

I ate all 5 medifast meals and a lean & green:
7:45 am- Apple cinnamon oatmeal
10:45 am- lemon merange snack bar
1:10 pm- chocolate shake
3:45- vanilla shake
7:00 pm-pork chop/chicken with tomato and cucumber in olive oil/vinegar dressing
Glass of hot water with chicken flavored broth
9:45 pm- hot chocolate- YUM!!!
I drank about 132 oz of water today. I know it seems like alot, but I really was just that thirsty and it felt good. Well, I'm BEAT...so...goodnight!

Day 2...BLEH!

So it's about 10:20 pm and I am coming to the end of my second day. I had a successful day today.
7:30 am- maple & brown sugar oatmeal
11:00 am- peanut butter bar
1:30 pm- chocolate shake
4:30 pm- chocolate shake
6:30 pm- left over pork chop and cut up tomato's and cucumbers in an olive oil/vinegar dressing
9:30 pm- swiss mocha shake
I drank more shakes today than I normally would, but I needed something quick and easy so that was just the way it had to be. Oh, and I drank about 92 oz of water!

I felt pretty crappy today...very low energy, hungry and frustrated...BUT I had a positive attitude about weight loss (weird huh)? I struggled all day with thinking about everything I wanted to eat. I even thought about ways to cheat and tried to convince myself it wouldn't be "so bad" if I cheated. Oh boy was it a battle. But I didn't cheat!! =) My mom told me to think bikini's and pools instead of food, so I will try that tomorrow and see how it works for me. I also called a counseling center to see what kind of help they offer the food addicted mind. Hopefully they call me back tomorrow. I've decided I need to deal with the whole problem, not just the weight. I have a serious addiction to food, especially emotional eating, and I don't want to lose all this weight to put it back on in the future...so I figure what do I have to lose!? Might as well tackle it all at once. Hopefully I don't live to regret that lol.

I also took all my measurements today and wrote them down in my weight loss calendar/ planner I bought. I am excited to document my progress and see the numbers drop. Well that's all the energy I have for tonight...goodnight!

Day 1 of My Journey to Weightloss

So I decided to try Medifast to lose this pesky 60 lbs that refuses to let go of my body! I have tried EVERYTHING!! Diet and exercise, hydroxycut (and many other diet pills), nutrisystem, somer-sizing, atkins, master cleanse, and NOTHING has worked. I cut my food intake in half and worked out 6 days a week, 2 hours a day for 8 months and lost 10 lbs....SUPER frustrating. So you get the picture, nothing worked. One day I was signed onto my facebook account and saw that a friend of mine had these awesome before and after pictures. She talked about losing 26 lbs in 6 weeks. I immediately messaged her to find out her secret. She messaged me back telling me all about her and her husbands experience on medifast...her husband lost 70 LBS! I was so excited that I talked to her health coach and within a few days I ordered the food. I thought to myself, this is going to be the diet that works, I know it, it's worked for them, it will work for me.

I got the food and didn't start the diet for about two weeks. My husband is in the Army and he was spending his last 2 wks with me before he was being stationed in Texas, so of course I didn't want to miss out on all the good food we would be eating as every night was a date night for us. So I decided to wait until the Monday after he left. I started the day after the Superbowl. Turns out I didn't follow it the way I was supposed to that first week. On the plan you are supposed to eat 5 medifast meals and 1 lean & green meal....I misunderstood and thought I was only allowed 5 meals a day, being 4 medifast meals and 1 lean& green. I was starving all that week and went out with one of my closest friends for a salad. During that meal I cheated. The next week I followed the diet to the T and realized I wouldn't be able to follow the diet on the weekend because I was going to see my brother in a Colorado prison and I wouldn't be able to eat my medifast meals every 2-3 hrs. SO, I just didn't do it at all and decided to eat healthy instead. This past week I was sick and went back off of medifast because I couldn't eat very well and as soon as I felt better I took TOTAL advantage. I ate pizza, tacos, chips, cake, anything I could get my hands on...it was like the devil had a hold on me and my path of destruction was FOOD!

You may wonder why I'm telling you all this...well, I need to know that I am accountable to someone/something...no one may ever really even read this but I know that people may, and I want to document my progress. I am hoping this helps me stay committed to losing this weight that has kept me down for so long. I gave you some background information and where I left off leaves me at today...March 1, 2010. I am starting fresh, new, like this is my very first day trying medifast and I have a renewed committment to ME, that I CAN do this, I CAN lose this weight, I CAN be healthy again and I CAN look in a mirror and be proud of what I see. For the past three weeks I have STRUGGLED but I am putting that behind me and starting fresh. So, join me on my journey to weightloss.