I'm baaack!

SO, after about 3.5 weeks, I am back online and ready to face the music. I have been on a roller coaster ride lately, it's been quite an unpleasant ride, but I am really trying to come out on top here. I guess I should fill y'all in on whats been going on...March 11, 2010 I ended up in the emergency room with severe abdominal pain. I mean, I felt like I was going to DIE. I was in the emergency room unable to eat or drink anything for 9 hrs because they were afraid it was my appendix and I'd need surgery. Well, it wasn't my appendix, and after all of the tests they found I have cysts on both ovaries, the one on my right ovary is pretty big (concerning) and BOTH ovaries are enlarged. I was on some serious narcotics to manage the pain and sadly it did not manage my pain, I was just very sleepy and nauseous (and in extreme pain). I had absolutely no appetite while on the meds, in fact, I could barely keep down soda crackers the meds made me so sick. I was on the meds for 7 days and it took about 4-5 days to get my appetite back. It was a very strange experience for me because anyone who knows me will tell you I NEVER lose my appetite! I talked to my health coach about getting back on medifast and was told to get the OK from my doctor first. My doctor gave me the OK to start immediately and said that medifast is 100% safe for me and highly recommends it for weight loss. At that doctors appointment I got weighed and I had put ALL of the weight I'd lost back on. I was HIGHLY upset!! I told my doctor I didn't understand how in the WORLD I could have gained back like 12 lbs when I HAVEN'T been eating! Don't people normally LOSE weight when they are sick?! During this entire time I also was extremely inflamed...I looked 6 months pregnant EASY. My doctor then diagnosed me with Colitis and put me on antibiotics for another 7 days. Again I had no appetite and my doctor said that was pretty normal because of my level of pain. In the meantime I was trying to find the strength and energy to pack up all of my stuff to move it down to Texas (from Chicago) to be with my husband. It was a ROUGH time for me.

Eventually I got all of my stuff packed thanks to my dads help and was able to get down to Texas. While in Texas my wonderful husband set up the house and we ate when and what we could...we went on several dates which was awesome and really enjoyed our time together. I couldn't have been happier! =) But I am back in Chicago now until the end of June when the school year lets out- I work in a public school. While sitting up doing laundry til 2 am on Thursday night I was thinking about my commitment to lose weight...commitment to health...commitment to myself...I was thinking about how ever since I started pursuing health through medifast I have been on a serious roller coaster ride that just won't stop.

As I sat and looked at my husband sleeping I said to myself "I want our forever together to be as long as possible...I don't want to leave him early due to bad health...." Then I started to think about how I got to be this big in the first place...it was such a DARK time in my life...major depression led to an addiction to food, which led to more depression which led to more eating...well, you get the picture, it's a vicious cycle. And I started to think about how I have a constant daily reminder of that dark time...every time I look in the mirror, or even take a walk I am reminded of that dark time by all this extra weight I am carrying around. I began to pray and it came to me...Satan wants me to stay this way. Satan wants me to be a slave to my addiction, he wants to remind me of my dark place so I can stay there and begin to question my faith just as I used to...he wants to keep holding me down. As my health was going crazy these past few weeks I kept telling myself, gosh, you can't stick to this diet if you tried! You're too sick Sarah...don't even bother. Or should I say satan was telling me those things...filling my head with lies. I asked God to give me the strength to take shape for life...

This morning as my husband was driving me to the airport I told him I was going to dive back into medifast and the gym (as much as I'm allowed) and that is how I am going to get through these next few months of not being with him. I will have weekly goals to look forward to and hopefully that will help pass the time for me. He supports me and believes in me so much, bless his heart. I think about this road I have been on and while one part of me says, who are you kidding, you seriously can't do this, you're bound to get sick again and be kicked out of fat burning and fail...another part of me laughs and says, oh boy, this has been a rough road, but man oh man is it going to be worth it in the end when you're healthier and skinnier LOL. I can look at these stones in my way and choose to sit down and not move, feeling sorry for myself, OR I can tighten my shoe laces, stretch out my chunky legs, and keep it MOVIN'!

Tomorrow my journey begins again...say what you want, but I am STRONG and am NOT going down without a fight! Til tomorrow...

Day 10

I had a great day, ate well, lots of energy and was in a good mood. My night...not going so well. I am having stomach issues and I am drained and kind of out of it so this is not going to be long.

7:45- peach oatmeal
10:45- lemon snack bar
1:30- oatmeal snack bar
4:36- grilled chicken, mushrooms, spinach and a salad with balsamic dressing
6:45- swiss mocha shake
9:45- vanilla shake

I drank 125.4 oz of water today. I am now going to try to sleep this off. Goodnight world.

Day 9...Weigh in Day!

I had an awesome day today...I was so full of energy and in good spirits. It was also my weigh in day. I've gone back and forth all day trying to decide if I am going to put actual numbers on here, but I'm not ready for that. I will say my overall goal is to lose 60 lbs. I lost 10 lbs this week!! That's right, 10! I am so excited because I worked SUPER hard. I'm sure it will NOT be this way every week, I probably lost mostly water weight, but it is still a huge accomplishment for me. I also lost 2 inches off of my waist and 1.5 off my bust! People asked me what I was doing to lose weight all day and both my mom and dad told me I'm looking good and they can see a difference. I am really excited and proud of myself for sticking to it and NOT cheating this week! This has motivated me to keep going and stay on track!

7:45 am- peach oatmeal
10:30 am- chocolate mint snack bar
1:30 pm- oatmeal raisin snack bar
3:30 pm- swiss mocha shake
5:45 pm- grilled chicken, green beans and a salad- lettuce, tomato, cucumber with 2 tablespoons of light balsamic dressing
8:30 pm- swiss mocha shake

I drank 162.7 oz of water today. I know that really sounds like alot, but it's so easy for me because my body LOVES it! I never realized how much my body craves water! I am so excited to see this weight melt off of me!! =) Stay tuned, this journey is just gettin GOOD!!

Day's 7-8...

So, I fell asleep last night before I was able to write my blog, but I did great and stuck to the diet perfectly!

Today was a good day, I had energy all day and got hungry when I was supposed to get hungry...right in time to eat! =) I was also able to get through lunch with the kids without drooling at the mouth LOL. That was quite the accomplishment. I still miss my hubby like crazy but I have been coping better these past 2 days, and that makes me happy.

I've realized eating the snack bars at work is a lot easier than trying to make soup or shakes...I work from 8-3:15 and have no break. I would try to sneak away to make my meals in between my lil man going to the bathroom or playing, but it isn't always easy. ANYWHO, my diet is going great!

7:45 am- peach oatmeal
11:10 am- oatmeal raisin snack bar (yum)
1:50 pm- lemon snack bar
4:45 pm- grilled chicken with green beans and my yummy tomato n cucumber salad with olive oil and vinegar dressing
6:45 pm- vanilla shake
At 8:45 pm- I will be having my yummy cup of hot chocolate to put me to sleep!

I drank 131.6 oz of water today. I am feelin' good!!

Day 6

Oh boy was this a ROUGH day! I am missing my husband soooo much. I was super emotional ALL day =( It was not so hard to stay on task and NOT cheat, it was harder to realize that I don't know another way to comfort myself other than to EAT! I prayed, I cried, I cleaned, I did laundry, I cried some more, I tried to sleep...nothin' worked. Bleh. I called my health coach who talked me through it and gave me some ideas about other things I can do....talking to her made me feel much better; it's always so encouraging to talk to someone who understands me and has been where I am and come through it. Honestly if I didn't have her I would've been stuffing my face with some pizza right now. LOL

I was able to pull it together and went out to see Alice in Wonderland with my mom...it was good and my snack during the movie was delicious!! =)

9:00 am- peach oatmeal
11:30- lemon snack bar
1:45 pm- orange shake (def. not my fave)
4:30- left over steak and asparagus with tomato's in olive oil and vinegar dressing. I didn't realize I was out of veggies, am going to buy some tomorrow...it was a yummy dinner.
7:30 pm- chocolate mint snack bar in the movie (sooooo good!!!)
10:15 pm- hot chocolate

I had one stick of sugar free gum, a diet coke, and get ready...144 oz of water! Oh and I also had a glass of chicken bullion (sp?) to get my energy up. I felt a bit faint, but I think I was just feeling so crappy because I was crying so much. I felt great today and did not feel hungry until I was SUPPOSED to eat....it's a beautiful thing to feel so good.

Well I'm hoping I feel better tomorrow...get to see my hubby on March 24th and I am hoping to lose at least 10 lbs since then...I'm working HARD!