I'm baaack!

SO, after about 3.5 weeks, I am back online and ready to face the music. I have been on a roller coaster ride lately, it's been quite an unpleasant ride, but I am really trying to come out on top here. I guess I should fill y'all in on whats been going on...March 11, 2010 I ended up in the emergency room with severe abdominal pain. I mean, I felt like I was going to DIE. I was in the emergency room unable to eat or drink anything for 9 hrs because they were afraid it was my appendix and I'd need surgery. Well, it wasn't my appendix, and after all of the tests they found I have cysts on both ovaries, the one on my right ovary is pretty big (concerning) and BOTH ovaries are enlarged. I was on some serious narcotics to manage the pain and sadly it did not manage my pain, I was just very sleepy and nauseous (and in extreme pain). I had absolutely no appetite while on the meds, in fact, I could barely keep down soda crackers the meds made me so sick. I was on the meds for 7 days and it took about 4-5 days to get my appetite back. It was a very strange experience for me because anyone who knows me will tell you I NEVER lose my appetite! I talked to my health coach about getting back on medifast and was told to get the OK from my doctor first. My doctor gave me the OK to start immediately and said that medifast is 100% safe for me and highly recommends it for weight loss. At that doctors appointment I got weighed and I had put ALL of the weight I'd lost back on. I was HIGHLY upset!! I told my doctor I didn't understand how in the WORLD I could have gained back like 12 lbs when I HAVEN'T been eating! Don't people normally LOSE weight when they are sick?! During this entire time I also was extremely inflamed...I looked 6 months pregnant EASY. My doctor then diagnosed me with Colitis and put me on antibiotics for another 7 days. Again I had no appetite and my doctor said that was pretty normal because of my level of pain. In the meantime I was trying to find the strength and energy to pack up all of my stuff to move it down to Texas (from Chicago) to be with my husband. It was a ROUGH time for me.

Eventually I got all of my stuff packed thanks to my dads help and was able to get down to Texas. While in Texas my wonderful husband set up the house and we ate when and what we could...we went on several dates which was awesome and really enjoyed our time together. I couldn't have been happier! =) But I am back in Chicago now until the end of June when the school year lets out- I work in a public school. While sitting up doing laundry til 2 am on Thursday night I was thinking about my commitment to lose weight...commitment to health...commitment to myself...I was thinking about how ever since I started pursuing health through medifast I have been on a serious roller coaster ride that just won't stop.

As I sat and looked at my husband sleeping I said to myself "I want our forever together to be as long as possible...I don't want to leave him early due to bad health...." Then I started to think about how I got to be this big in the first place...it was such a DARK time in my life...major depression led to an addiction to food, which led to more depression which led to more eating...well, you get the picture, it's a vicious cycle. And I started to think about how I have a constant daily reminder of that dark time...every time I look in the mirror, or even take a walk I am reminded of that dark time by all this extra weight I am carrying around. I began to pray and it came to me...Satan wants me to stay this way. Satan wants me to be a slave to my addiction, he wants to remind me of my dark place so I can stay there and begin to question my faith just as I used to...he wants to keep holding me down. As my health was going crazy these past few weeks I kept telling myself, gosh, you can't stick to this diet if you tried! You're too sick Sarah...don't even bother. Or should I say satan was telling me those things...filling my head with lies. I asked God to give me the strength to take shape for life...

This morning as my husband was driving me to the airport I told him I was going to dive back into medifast and the gym (as much as I'm allowed) and that is how I am going to get through these next few months of not being with him. I will have weekly goals to look forward to and hopefully that will help pass the time for me. He supports me and believes in me so much, bless his heart. I think about this road I have been on and while one part of me says, who are you kidding, you seriously can't do this, you're bound to get sick again and be kicked out of fat burning and fail...another part of me laughs and says, oh boy, this has been a rough road, but man oh man is it going to be worth it in the end when you're healthier and skinnier LOL. I can look at these stones in my way and choose to sit down and not move, feeling sorry for myself, OR I can tighten my shoe laces, stretch out my chunky legs, and keep it MOVIN'!

Tomorrow my journey begins again...say what you want, but I am STRONG and am NOT going down without a fight! Til tomorrow...